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| Texas students are planning to hang sex toys from their bags in protest at a law allowing people to carry concealed weapons on university campuses. —BBC News, October 12, 2015 |
Yes, I always carry one
concealed, though inevitably
there’s a bulge. What can I say?
I’m packing.
I can fire 250 million bullets
in a single shot,
and none of them are blanks,
if you know what I mean.
Sure, there are risks,
but listen,
one day some nutjob
will get his out in class
and start waving it around,
and if good guys like me
aren’t around to unholster
theirs, things are liable to get
awful messy,
don’t you think?
Author’s Note: I wrote this after reading about the #cocksnotglocks campaign, and then reading a response piece at the The Federalist website. Starting next year, students in Texas will be allowed to carry concealed guns on campus, and the #cocksnotglocks protest revolves around openly carrying dildos and vibrators which, unlike carrying a concealed gun, is a violation of campus rules. The Federalist piece argued that cocks were in fact more deadly than guns, citing STDs and abortion figures in evidence, and that therefore there is a greater need to regulate penises than guns.
Matt Quinn lives in Brighton, England and has recently developed an allergy to talking about himself.