LETTUCE REJOICE! (THE PATRIOTIC CYCLOSPORA CAYETANENSIS)

by Zumwalt

AI-generated graphic by NightCafé for The New Verse News.

Trump’s CDC Stopped Monitoring Explosive Diarrhea Parasite Before Outbreak —Newsweek, July 10, 2026

It's a big win, a big win, so cue the parade—

Inflation is beaten! Our Fed target's made!

So how did we do it? Well, funny you ask—
We fired all the folks doing food-safety tasks.

No agency checking for bugs in your greens.
No budget for knowing what "parasite" means.
Sixteen percent cheaper—a triumph, a feat!
Who cares if there's germs in the lettuce you eat?

So cheers to the savings—we know you're all glad,

Even Taco Bell's prices have come down a tad.
You can now eat much cheaper than you did in the past

But please note, due to gastrointestinal side effects, 

                     you may choose to fast.

Zumwalt’s poetry examines the intersection of identity, instability, and the mechanics of perception. Recent work is currently appearing in The New Verse News.