TheNewVerse.News : LETTUCE REJOICE! (THE PATRIOTIC CYCLOSPORA CAYETANENSIS)

Friday, August 14, 2026

LETTUCE REJOICE! (THE PATRIOTIC CYCLOSPORA CAYETANENSIS)

by Zumwalt

AI-generated graphic by NightCafé for The New Verse News.

Trump’s CDC Stopped Monitoring Explosive Diarrhea Parasite Before Outbreak —Newsweek, July 10, 2026

It's a big win, a big win, so cue the parade—

Inflation is beaten! Our Fed target's made!

So how did we do it? Well, funny you ask—
We fired all the folks doing food-safety tasks.

No agency checking for bugs in your greens.
No budget for knowing what "parasite" means.
Sixteen percent cheaper—a triumph, a feat!
Who cares if there's germs in the lettuce you eat?

So cheers to the savings—we know you're all glad,

Even Taco Bell's prices have come down a tad.
You can now eat much cheaper than you did in the past

But please note, due to gastrointestinal side effects,

you may choose to fast.

Zumwalt’s poetry examines the intersection of identity, instability, and the mechanics of perception. Recent work is currently appearing in The New Verse News.

Emails to The New Verse News that do not follow the guidelines printed at the top of this page and in this column will be deleted. Poets are reminded, therefore, NOT to send attachments unless specifically requested to do so.

Although the editors and audience of The New Verse News have a politically progressive bias, we welcome well-written verses of various visions and viewpoints.

In any event, opinions expressed in The New Verse News are those of the poems' writers (or, perhaps, only of the poems' speakers) and not necessarily those of the editors, the audience, or other contributors to the site.

TheNewVerse.News walks a fine line between News and Literature. We choose not to publish poems that merely restate what one finds in a news article. On the other hand, we dare not offer verse that misleads our audience into thinking that an invented scenario actually happened in reality. In some cases, therefore, we request an author to add a note to explain how a poem veers from documented facts.

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The editor typically introduces a poem on site with an illustration borrowed from news stories or photo collections. Although we reject any AI-created or AI-enhanced poetry, we do use graphics generated using AI applications at Shutterstock and NightCafé. We understand the ethical dilemmas: https://nightcafe.studio/blogs/info/ethical-concerns-in-using-ai-generated-images and https://www.shutterstock.com/blog/ethical-ai-for-good . If you are uncomfortable with our using AI graphics, you might refrain from submitting your work to us.

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Poems published in The New Verse News generally remain available in the site's archives eternally or until a writer requests that her/his/their work be deleted.

The Managing Editor of The New Verse News is James Penha. Interviews with him regarding the editorial policies of the journal are available at:
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Friday, August 14, 2026

LETTUCE REJOICE! (THE PATRIOTIC CYCLOSPORA CAYETANENSIS)