|to the tune of “I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General”|
When the raping is legitimate, a pregnancy will not occur.
I’ve talked to doctors and I know that some of them with me concur.
The female body has a way to try to shut that whole thing down,
And if it won’t, the broad is probably one that likes to sleep around!
It’s true I do maintain that there are rapes that are not forcible—
Like ones that happen when a gal is simply too seducible.
To say I’m a misogynist is wrong, even abhorrible
When I’m protecting baby girls who might have been abortible.
It’s not like when a girl gets raped I can’t be empathetical
When sharing knowledge I possess of truths gynecological.
It might sound paradoxical, but my supporters will agree
That life is life but rape’s not always rape when there’s a pregnancy.
If I misspoke and women's bodies aren't so very magical,
You’ve made mistakes, too—why not try to be more sympathetical?
Abortion is the mortal sin, stupidity’s forgivable.
A simple off-the-cuff remark shouldn’t make me unelectable.
I think myself the model of a modern day Republican:
Compassionate, conservative and red blooded American.
Though Romney, Ryan, and even Sean Hannity abandoned me,
I know that with God's grace I'll win the Senate race in Missouri.
Kimberly Poitevin writes poems sometimes. Some of them have appeared in other print and online journals including 14 by 14, Poetry Quarterly, Mobius, elimae, and the Midwest Literary Magazine.