by Melissa Balmain
Invasive lanternflies have been spreading across the United States for over a decade, leaving behind poop that bees are transforming into a less sweet, sometimes savory, honey. —Smithsonian Magazine, December 12, 2025
Humans are eating our poop—
and they’re buying the stuff with good money—
even though they admit it tastes funny
and we’re far from their favorite group.
My intel? It’s straight from a bee:
they’re the ones turning lanternfly doody
into something befitting a foodie.
Our crap’s the new triple-cream brie!
You’re acting surprised—what’s the reason?
This is hardly the first bit of buzz
that we’ve heard about people this season—
can’t you tell, from the wackos they follow,
and the bull they believe “just because,”
there isn’t a thing they won’t swallow?
and they’re buying the stuff with good money—
even though they admit it tastes funny
and we’re far from their favorite group.
My intel? It’s straight from a bee:
they’re the ones turning lanternfly doody
into something befitting a foodie.
Our crap’s the new triple-cream brie!
You’re acting surprised—what’s the reason?
This is hardly the first bit of buzz
that we’ve heard about people this season—
can’t you tell, from the wackos they follow,
and the bull they believe “just because,”
there isn’t a thing they won’t swallow?
Melissa Balmain edits Light, North America's longest-running journal of comic verse. Her latest book of poetry is Satan Talks to His Therapist (Paul Dry Books).
