REPUBLICAN RHETORIC TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

by Kenneth Nichols


In honor of the American soldier, could you do the dishes tonight?

If you’re not with your mother-in-law, you’re against me.

Turn that burner down. We don’t want the signal for dinner time to come in the form of a mushroom cloud.

Let’s fight with each other in the car so we don’t have to fight each other at the party.

I’m trying to answer your questions to the best of my ability, but there’s not much I can do if I don’t recall the answer.

I am not a cook.

Don’t mess with breakfast.

Remember: You’re here at the pleasure of the president of this house.

Come now, we haven’t preserved the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman in over a month!


Kenneth Nichols is currently in the Creative Writing MFA Program at Ohio State and teaches in the English Department. His poetry has appeared in the online edition of Hobart, and he reviews literary journals for NewPages.
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