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Friday, April 28, 2006


by Rochelle Ratner

1. The Bar-Mitzvah Boy

He's never been much of a baseball fan, but Cincinnati's
right across the river and the President's supposed to
throw out the opening pitch next week, so he's been
reading up. He's an avid reader and a quick learner, can
tell you what Bush ate for dinner the night he was
married, who he dated in high school, where he bought his
dope, and a lot of other things. Already he envisions the
President going into an exaggerated windup, then lobbing
the ball toward home plate. Except it's not a ball it's a
grenade, like they throw in Israel.

2. Bush's first pitch -- 'kind of a slow ball'

And the crowd in Cincinnati cheers, waving their little
American flags, drowning out the people booing, jeering,
and cursing. He and his father always loved baseball.
Meanwhile, in a nearby suburb, Wandering Wanda the
wild turkey is still on the loose. People have tried to hunt
her down themselves, running around like headless
chickens with nets and blankets, only causing more chaos.
One woman claims she was late for work because two
turkeys were blocking her doorway, making threatening
noises every time she tried to get out. So it's possible
there's more than one turkey on the loose out there.

Rochelle Ratner's books include two novels: Bobby's Girl (Coffee House Press, 1986) and The Lion's Share (Coffee House Press, 1991) and sixteen poetry books, including House and Home (Marsh Hawk Press, 2003) and Beggars at the Wall (Ikon, October 2005). More information and links to her writing on the Internet can be found on her homepage: