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Showing posts with label ballad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ballad. Show all posts

Saturday, February 07, 2026

THE BALLAD OF LISA COOK

by Mark F. DeWitt

 


The despot stormed into the house
he'd lived in once before;
I’ll have my way this time—or else!
he yelled, he spat, he swore.

My enemies are doomed! he cried.
His list of them was long.
He massed his henchmen for the job;
he sang his grievous song:

These bureaucrats are evil, all!
And one by one they fell—
their choice: resign or be fired outright,
or work in living hell.

And so it went, week after week.
The firehose of flames
burnt through appointed expertise,
a litany of names:

Joint Chiefs of Staff, librarians,
commissioners, former friends,
inspectors general, lawyers, cops—
The list seemed not to end.

Congressional sycophants stood by,
appointed judges too,
while hatchets swung, reputations hung.
Resisters, they were few.

No matter what was not allowed,
he fired them anyway.
Museum boss, she quickly bowed
and meekly slinked away. 

But then he tried to fire one
who would not go so fast:
his charge was weak and she held firm—
the battle lines were cast.

Who was this woman dared fight back,
what brave, courageous soul?
Whence came she from, what had she done
to warrant such a role?

A girl was born in Milledgeville,
a Georgia town most fair;
her mama was a nurse and prof,
her pop a reverend there.

Such parents wise, intelligent,
and loving raised her well,
but the little Black girl in a Southern town
found challenges to quell.

Though segregation had been banned for years
and equality the rule,
it was up to her, and her sisters too,
to desegregate their school. 

While the little white boys and little white girls
beat them up and called them Nnnnnn,
they studied hard and got good grades
and refused all the while to bend.

After college she went on to earn
a scholarship abroad:
to Oxford University
she went and then she thought

to make a difference she’d apply
herself to something grand—
Economics seemed the way for her
the world to understand.

In graduate school she showed some range
to probe the Russian case,
then wowed them all with new research
on innovation’s links to race:

How can a nation really thrive 
when not everyone feels safe?
Her point was made, her tenure gained,
she’d finally found her place. 

Our professor Lisa Cook was now
appointed to the Fed
as governor, for her acumen,
a cool and level head.

The time was right for her to shine,
as reckoning was nigh
on issues dear, on race and class,
where she had cast her eye.

But then the demagogue roared back—
was re-elected strong—
and all the things for which she’d fought
were suddenly thought wrong.

I read it in the Times today—
that women got it worst:
when the thugs got out the chopping block,
Black women got cut first.

And so the despot did announce
that Lisa Cook must go,
despite the independence that
the Fed’s supposed to show.

But Lisa Cook refused to yield,
it wasn’t her first fight—
unlike those others who resigned
and fled into the night.

I’ll not step down, she said outright.
You see, you’ll have to wait.
My governor’s appointment lasts
‘til 2038.

You have no grounds, my duty’s here,
I’ll have my day in court!
Bring on your lawyers and your trolls—
your reign is growing short.

And so it was, when others saw
brave Lisa Cook stand up—
the head scientist at CDC 
said I’m not going to jump.

The spell was broken; people saw
resistance actually work.
With stiffened spines, stayed at their posts
the experts, judges, clerks.

Apoplexy gripped the president:
How dare they cross me now!
I’ll terminate that Lisa Cook
And the rest will follow down.

But miracle of miracles, 
the Supreme Court agreed
for once, the president was wrong,
and Lisa Cook was freed.

She was free to do her job and help
her country in its fight
for prosperity midst the despot’s whims,
delusions, moral blight.

Her countrymen began to see
what they could do, as well.
Division lessened by degree;
resolve began to swell.

Our leadership has lost its way,
so elsewhere must we look.
We woke up just in time to change,
all thanks to Lisa Cook.


Author’s note: At the time of this writing (February 2026), Lisa Cook's case is currently before the Supreme Court. Four stanzas from the end, this poem turns to a fictional future, in hopes that it comes true. Statements attributed to Ms. Cook in the two stanzas starting with "I’ll not step down, she said outright" are likewise imagined.


Mark F. DeWitt is an ethnomusicologist, amateur musician, and emerging poet based in Oakland, California, although parts of him still linger in Louisiana, Massachusetts, and Ohio. His poems have appeared in publications of the Society for Ethnomusicology and the Litquake Foundation. He is also author of an ethnography, Cajun and Zydeco Dance Music in Northern California: Modern Pleasures in a Postmodern World (University Press of Mississippi).

Sunday, September 22, 2024

THE BALLAD OF JD VANCE

by Peter Nohrnberg 


Cartoon by Clay Bennett for the Chattanooga Times Free Press


How might a lowly hillbilly 

Rise up to fame and glory? 

Well gather round and listen close 

And ye shall hear his story. 

 

His will was such, that early on 

This lad would not be thwarted.

True grit the little zygote had—

Thank God he weren’t aborted!  

 

He hunkered down in cozy womb 

To think on matters deep:

For birth was child’s play compared 

to being born-again as Veep!  

 

A miracle it seemed to some 

To others simply weird,

But when JD came into the world  

He sported a full beard!  

 

Wiser than his years he was, 

This savant wearing diapers.

Alas, his homelife he did ken 

A pit of hissing vipers! 

 

“My Ma’s a mess, Stepdad’s a jerk,

I’m really up the junction…

I’ll put this in a book one day,

A dirge to white dysfunction!” 

 

Against this lot he dreamed to have 

A stable life, serene: 

Come graduation off he shipped 

to Iraq as a Marine. 

 

Hard as nails, or cask strength scotch,  

He readied for the battle.  

But instead of a gun they gave him a pen:

Like a baby with a rattle!  

 

Reporting on the enlistees   

He learned to be a man.  

But a career in the armed forces was

Not part of the plan.  

 

Who says a little learning is 

such a dangerous thing?   

For learning little our feisty bro 

To Ivy League did bring! 

 

In New Haven he studied law—

the spirit and the letter.  

He made queer friends he’d later shun

‘Cause he liked power better.  

 

He changed his name, Hamel to Vance—

You could call it a transition—

And then he up and left the law 

To fulfill his sacred mission. 

 

He set out West upon his steed 

(a 747),

And made his way to Menlo Park: 

Venture capital heaven.  

 

A Wizard strange young Vance did seek;

Weird Wizard he did find.

In awe did he marvel at 

Liber-Crypto-Christian Mind.  

 

JD did query subtle Sage,

Asked would he be his mentor,

Instruct him in dark Startup arts
And Partnerships to enter?    

 

From Silicon throne the Wizard rose,

And shook his staff in vigor.

Fittingly he quoth Saint George: 

“I’ll be your father figure!”  

 

“Hot Damn!” Spake Vance, “Well don’t you know

I been lookin’ for a daddy!

The last two Pappies that I had 

drove off in their Caddy.” 

 

Like learned Alchemists of old

Who now in peace are resting,

Vance commixed averse elements:

Charity and Investing.

 

As Noah rescued all God’s creatures 

He’d save the folks back home;

Raise funds to start a future farm 

Built under a great glass dome. 

 

A lifeline to those left behind—

With profits too to capture!—

Jobs for Evangelicals while 

They waited for the Rapture.  

 

Alas, the locals they all quit

That Hot House of Disorder; 

The only folks who’d do the work 

Came from south of the border! 

 

Like Babel Tower did Vertical Farm 

Collapse under piles of debt;

But if you suppose that brought Vance low

You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!  

 

For who should appear but Wizard Wise 

With a spell to quell defeat:

“It’s time you answered the nation’s call  

And ran for a Senate seat!”

 

Now far and wide his fame had spread 

For he’d become an author. 

But words can’t buy a Congressional race;

He’d need the Wizard’s coffer… 

 

Spake Wizard, “What cash you can raise

From hicks in Appalachia,

Lookie here at my bank account 

Boy, I can surely match ya!”

 

In tears replied the Wizard’s ward

“I just wanna give something back!” 

(What that was he did not say

But he gladly took the check.)

 

Now around this time an Orangeman 

Had risen up to power.

He was full of piss and vinegar 

And things even more sour.  

 

At first our hero he demurred:

“T---p’s cultural heroin.”

But when the call went out for Veep

No problem lied therein.  

 

Like Saul of Tarsus transformed to Paul 

Changed was his demeaner;

His beard grew thick, beady his eyes, 

Just like Donald Junior.  

 

Social collapse he prophesied, 

This born-again MAGApostle. 

He owned the libs with clever memes;

His homilies weren’t docile.

 

“Why is it that some old maids love 

Their cats more than us men?

And here’s another pet peeve of mine—

The immigrants who eat ‘em!”  

 

The hateful nonsense that he spewed 

Ensured that he’d advance.  

Quoth T---p, “He’s got to be my Veep,

My mini-me is Vance!”  

 

An Ohioan who was like his kids...

T---p knew it was a sign! 

Proposed he to Apprentice Vance, 

“Put your tiny hand in mine.” 

 

All hail this Proud Boy of the Folk,

More famous than Hannibal Lecter!

Born to be Veep, and if not, well…

There’s always the private sector.  

 

For whether T---p should win or lose—

Or rather, is robbed once more!—

Of the two running mates, Vance 

May end up free, less poor.   

 

Destined to one day top the ticket,

So bigly JD’s gift.  

Who could stop his rapid rise...

Apart from Taylor Swift?



Peter Nohrnberg is a poet, cultural critic, and literary scholar, whose poems and articles have appeared in Southwest Review, Notre Dame Review, Public Seminar, and James Joyce Annual, among other publications.

Monday, February 21, 2022

THE BALLAD OF THE WHITE HOUSE LAVATORY

by Peter Nohrnberg




Now gather round, and ye shall hear
A tale of epic daring
About a King who tweeted lots  
But wasn’t into sharing.   
 
Forsooth it was a vile Act
That drove him into battle:
“Preserve all Records” Congress bade;
But records are known to tattle. 
 
At first he simply tore them up
But a Northern Plot took shape.
Foul thanes restored his mangled foes,
mended with Scotch tape. 
 
A vision came to aid the King
—O I fear my rhyme shall spoil it!—
To gather up his papers dear 
And take them to the toilet.
 
Now he himself sat on a throne
Of 24 karat gold,
But in the White House was installed
A porcelain commode. 
 
Notes, memos, logs, and Post-its too
In basin he did pitch.
A smirk upon his face, quoth he:
“Toilets never snitch!”
                                   
He flushed it once, he flushed it twice,
He cursed the gods above!
And with his little stubby hands
He gave a forceful shove.
 
Who knows what knowledge then was lost?
A proof of Fermat’s theorem?
Evidence of Electoral Fraud?
A Covid-19 serum? 
 
What was wiped out I cannot tell:
Mum’s the Orange Mandarin.
Destruction worse than what befell
The Library Alexandrian! 
 
The doughty deed now done he left
The toilet overflowing.
He soared above the effluvia,
POTUS the All-Knowing.
 
And yet he did not know when he
Flushed it all down the crapper,
That squatting in the stall next door
Was CNN’s Jake Tapper! 
 
Out burst the newsman, overwhelmed
By fast approaching flood,
He saw the thickening of the tide
And sensed it was not mud!
 
“Who brought on this catastrophe,
Who took this massive dump?” 
The scales then fell from Jacob’s eyes:
It only could be T***p.
 
For clinging to the leather sole
Of the shoe of Squire Tapper:
A doodle of two giant boobs
On a McDonalds wrapper.
 
It was the flush heard round the world,
Except in Mar-a-Lago.
About his deed he’ll tell no tales
Just like good old Iago.    
 
‘Tis true, ‘tis true the Don is dumb,
But everyone else is dumber;
He even one-upped Tricky Dick
By being his own Plumber!


A scholar of literary modernism, cultural critic, and poet, Peter Nohrnberg’s poems and essays have appeared in Southwest Review, Notre Dame Review, The Wisconsin Review, Oxford Poetry, and Public Seminar. His poem “Pantoum After a School Shooting” was awarded second place in the 2020 Morton Marr Poetry Prize. His essay “Joyce, Irish Photography, and the Making and Publicizing of National, Familial, and Authorial Images" is forthcoming in Joyce Studies Annual 2021.

Monday, November 11, 2019

THE BALLAD OF LINDSEY GRAHAM'S PICKLE

by Janice D. Soderling




Dong, dong, it pealed from each bell tower
until full twelve was said.
Cold, coverless and quivering,
Graham flopped around in bed.

He sat up, did the Senator,
and stared into the night
for at the footboard of his bed
commenced a nebulous light.

A ghastly apparation grew
and softly did it moan.
With trembling hands, it held aloft
a moss-bedecked tombstone.

"Oh, Lindsey," wheezed the ghostly guest.
Oh, Lindsey Graham, behold."
There on the mildewed stone was writ,
Orange glitter is not gold.

"And quid pro quo is not BS.
Go read the damning transcript."
A tortured moan froze Lindsay's blood,
"Far better men than you've flipped.

"Beware the traitorous pumpkin man."
The moan rose to a shout.
"I come to save you from yourself."
The frightened man cried out,

"Who art thou, apparation grim?
Who gives my blood such chill?
The Ghost of Hearings-Yet-To-Come?
Or that socialist, Joe Hill?

The glowing ghost gave mirthless laugh.
"Joe Hill has never died.
Takes more than guns to kill a man,
No matter how they tried.

"John sent me here to wake you up.
You're backing the wrong horse.
The bus is nigh. His game is rigged.
Stay off his damned golf course."

Then Lindsey woke, relieved, and said,
"Joe Hill's a loser Commie.
But that's the last time that I eat
dill pickles with pastrami."


Janice D. Soderling is a previous contributor to TheNewVerse.News. Her work was recently at Light, Better Than Starbucks, and La Libélula Vaga.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

THE BALLAD OF SCOTT PRUIT

by Edward Zuk


Image from “Environmental Plundering Agency by Brian McFadded at The Nib.


When health and safety threaten greed across this land of ours,
To whom do corporations turn to exercise his powers?
Who trashes standards then explains it with a bland cliché?
It is Scott Pruitt, mighty leader of the EPA!

Who scoffs at scientists and what they claim to be “the truth”?
Who likes to joke with lobbyists inside his soundproof booth?
Who flies in secret round the world in first-class all the way?
It is Scott Pruitt, jet-set madman of the EPA!

He kicks and headlocks edicts, punches rules right in the nose,
Then knocks out regulations with his well-timed body blows.
Who cares if it’s all legal or the courts demand a stay?
He is Scott Pruitt, fearless fighter of the EPA!

When nonexistent death threats make this dauntless man afraid,
Security is there so that he will not be waylaid.
It’s well-spent dollars from the taxes of the USA
To save Scott Pruitt, precious treasure of the EPA!

When streams and rivers are too clean and need some mercury,
When oil is trapped in parks without a well to set it free,
When species are endangered but somehow still hang around
Without that one more final blow to lay them in the ground,

When woodland ponds are lacking coal ash and some manganese,
When people ought to breathe in smoke and lead from factories,
What do the billionaires and massive corporations say?
We’ll call Scott Pruitt, matchless leader of the EPA!


Edward Zuk is a poet from British Columbia, Canada. His work has appeared in The Queen's Quarterly, The Raintown Review, Modern Haiku, and TheNewVerse.News