OKKKLAHOMA

by Chris O’Carroll

The Daily Cartoon by Emily Flake, The New Yorker

Okkklahoma, where the white frat boys think hate is great,
And black guys swing in the songs they sing
’Cause their campus is a lynchpin of the state.
Okkklahoma, where the Klan was strong in ’21
When Tulsa burned, and no one learned,
So “hang ’em from a tree” still sounds like fun.

We know we’re the heirs of Jim Crow.
If it weren’t for that damn video
EN EYE GEE GEE
EE AR is something we’d feel free
To go on sayin’,
And we’d feel fine.  Okklahoma!
But just one K, OK?


Chris O’Carroll used to live in Kansas, and has performed at comedy clubs in Oklahoma.  He doesn’t expect to be invited back any time soon.

A REDSKIN FAN TAKES OFFENSE

by Chris O’Carroll

RICHMOND, Va. – Three Virginia lawmakers have formed the “Redskins Pride Caucus” in an effort to help Washington Redskins keep the nickname some people deem offensive. --CBS6, June 23, 2014

They gave my team a trademark on its name,
But now they say they’re snatching it away.
Political correctness is their game,
And Injun giving is the way they play.

I want my team to sound badass and scary,
Like warpath savages with tomahawks.
I want every opponent trembling, wary,
Fearful of brutal tackles, sacks, and blocks.

Since “Redskin” is a byword for ferocity
(I’ve seen the Westerns, so I know the score),
To change the team name would be an atrocity.
In fact, I am convinced there should be more

Franchises getting ethnic in your face --
Spearchuckers, Wetbacks, Spades, Bogtrotters, Chinks.
There’s big-time juju in names based on race.
Who cares what some Cochise or Tonto thinks?


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  His poems have appeared in Literary Review, Per Contra, Shot Glass, the Spectator, and the Washington Post, among other print and online journals, and in the anthologies The Best of the Barefoot Muse and 20 Years at the Cantab Lounge.

AMERICANS FOR PROSPERITY (JUST NOT FOR YOUR PROSPERITY)

by Chris O’Carroll






Hi, we’re the Brothers Koch.
Our ads are full of lies.
Our massive bankroll bies
Big mirrors and big smoch
To con you low-class foch,
You losers we despies.

No tears flow from our ies
When you get sick and croch.
Obamacare’s a joch.
Your kid or grandma dies?
Who cares?  You’re little gies.
We’re loaded, you’re all broch.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  In addition to his previous appearances in The New Verse News, he has published poems in the anthologies The Best of the Barefoot Muse and 20 Years at the Cantab Lounge, and in print and online journals including Angle, Big City Lit, Light, Measure, and The Rotary Dial.

A CAT WHO LOOKS LIKE HITLER

by Chris O’Carroll

Image source: Cats That Look Like Hitler

Your kitten’s face is white with a black patch,
A toothbrush mustache, underneath the nose.
You named the little furball Adolf, natch.
(You could have gone with Chaplin, I suppose.)
Since cats cleave to no ideology
That one could label pro- or anti-Jew,
And are not really into irony,
What the name signifies depends on you.
It could be just a joke about a face
That seems as comical as monstrous now,
Could be a shout-out to the Master Race
That operated Auschwitz-Birkenau.
  The eponym enjoyed such baneful fame,
  It’s hard to know what’s in a namesake’s name.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  In addition to his previous appearances in The New Verse News, he has published poems in Angle, Folly, Light, The Rotary Dial, Snakeskin, and other print and online journals.

THE WAR ON HAPPY HOLIDAYS

by Chris O’Carroll 

Editorial cartoon by Richard Crowson, The Wichita Eagle, December 8, 2013

We do not wish you happy holidays.
O’Reilly warns against that  liberal plot.
How dare you celebrate in diverse ways?
Just one gets our OK; the rest do not.

Our “Merry Christmas!” is not a benign
Warm wish.  It is an icy battle cry.
Inclusive salutations we decline
To utter.  Limbaugh we have heard on high.

A manger scene at every City Hall
Is ours by right.  And children of the poor
Deserve no government food aid at all.
Tax funds for welfare?  No!  For holy war!

All non-sectarian good will we shun.
God bless us.  But just some, not every one.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  In addition to his previous New Verse News appearances, he has published poems in BigCityLit, the Kansas City Star, Lighten Up Online, Umbrella, and the Washington Post, among other print and online journals, and also in the anthologies The Best of the Barefoot Muse and 20 Years at the Cantab Lounge.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES

by Chris O’Carroll

He wasn’t good.  He wasn’t great.
It’s 50 years now since he died.
Weird fantasies proliferate
About who plotted and who lied.

We crave real grandeur.  “Camelot”
Suffices as a substitute.
The romance of who might have shot
Trumps the dull fact of who did shoot.

We did not lose a golden age
Because the sniper found his aim,
But truth is never all the rage;
Myth is a more crowd-pleasing game.

When presidents are rated, he
Ranks as a gilded bantamweight,
More tawdry than he seemed to be.
He wasn’t good.  He wasn’t great.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  On November 22, 1963, he heard the news over the intercom in a Massachusetts junior high school.  Since then, he has published numerous poems in The New Verse News, and also in First Things, Light, The Rotary Dial, Snakeskin, and other print and online journals.

WHY WE'LL MISS YOU, MICHELE BACHMANN

by Chris O’Carroll





You spit on wimpy moderation
Like that zillionaire from Bain’s.
Your bulb’s less dim than Sarah Palin’s,
Your deck less full than Herman Cain’s.

You tried to out a State Department
Muslim mole, which was insaner
Than could win support from even
Right-wing stalwarts like John Boehner.

You’ve claimed the Founding Fathers were
Crusaders for Emancipation,
And anti-cancer vaccines are
A cause of mental retardation.

Gay marriage, like Obamacare,
Is something that you love to hate.
Your husband’s counseling helps queers
Become, like him, completely straight.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  A recent Flash 500 Humour Verse Competition prizewinner, he has also published poems in Angle, First Things, Light, The Rotary Dial, and The Spectator, among other print and online journals.

BURYING THATCHER

by Chris O’Carroll

Margaret Thatcher Funeral: Anger Mounts As Britons Oppose Paying For £10million Service --Fiona Keating, International Business Times, April 14, 2013

Would you splurge 10 million quid
To put her in the ground?  They did.

Back in the Eighties, ’twould have been
A bargain.  Now, it’s just obscene.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  In addition to his previous appearances in The New Verse News, he has published poems in BigCityLit, The Chimaera, 14 by 14, Umbrella, and The Cantab Lounge Anthology.

KEEP CALM

by Chris O’Carroll

Retail giant Amazon was asked to make a "substantial donation" to a woman's refuge on Saturday night after its UK website offered T-shirts for sale promoting rape and violence against women. The T-shirts, which were also manufactured and sold in the U.S., included slogans were spun off the phrase, "Keep Calm and Carry On", a famous British propaganda slogan and included shirts that read: "Keep Calm and Hit Her", "Keep Calm and Rape a Lot" and "Keep Calm and Rape Them" for $23–$26. --Elise Solé, Shine from Yahoo! Staff | Healthy Living, Mar 4, 2013


Hey, wanna read my shirt?
It leaves some folks agape a lot,
But c’mon, who gets hurt?
It says, “Keep Calm and Rape a Lot.”

That’s one of several jests --
“. . . Hit Her,” “. . . Rape Them,” “. . .  Rape Me” --
Emblazoned across chests
Clad in hilarity.

Some chicks don’t get the jokes.
Who cares, guys?  My advice:
Just do a few keystrokes
And grab the merchandise.

Solid Gold Bomb (no kidding),
That’s the firm that makes the raiment.
Keep calm, girls.  Do our bidding
As they strike gold with each payment.

Zeus was a badass swan;
Now any guy can be.
Log onto Amazon
And buy a pro-rape T.


Chris O’Carroll is a writer and an actor.  In addition to his previous appearances in The New Verse News, he has published poems in BigCityLit, The Chimaera, 14 by 14, Umbrella, and The Cantab Lounge Anthology.